What should I do if I suspect my wife is treating her job as a Stay-At-Home-Mom like a vacation?

Last year my wife decided it would be better for our child if she stayed home. She told me that it wouldn't be a vacation and that being a SAHM is a LOT of work.





But it really doesn't seem all that difficult. She sleeps in late every morning. It's been about three days since the dishes have been done. The garden was a disaster; completely overgrown with weeds. I cook almost as many dinners as she does.





She's not as bad as Peg Bundy (sitting on the couch all day eating Bon-Bons). She does get some stuff done. But for the most part her ';job'; of being a SAHM really seems like a cake-walk.





I feel like I should say something, but I don't know how to approach it delicately. I know she'll be furious if I accuse her of taking it easy. But other people have to be accountable for their job performance. And if being a SAHM is really a ';job'; then shouldn't she be accountable for getting stuff done?





What should I do? Should I ignore the situation or should I say something? I feel like if I don't say anything she'll just keep on taking it easy. I love her, but I'm not going to work every day and making all these financial sacrifices so that she can take a vacation. What should I do if I suspect my wife is treating her job as a Stay-At-Home-Mom like a vacation?
You need to tell her to get her **** together. I worked full time, kept the house clean, did the laundry, went food,cloths,gift, and school supply shopping for everyone, got the kids off to school and hubby off to work, paid the bills and made all the meals and whatever else came up. I ran a household and a business by myself with no help and it was a growing business.If you need to come home and do anything.....she has taken a major vacation without you!!!!! Sorry to say....... she has become lazy. I could never think about sitting around all day and do nothing. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!


What should I do if I suspect my wife is treating her job as a Stay-At-Home-Mom like a vacation?
Why don't ya trade places then?
Why don't you tell her what you've just said here?


If you can't talk openly with your wife you have major problems.
Maybe subtly point things out like how the dishes aren't done and how bad the garden is.
If your wife is taking care of a toddler, she has a lot on her plate and may not be able to do everything all the time. Be careful in thinking of her to be like a maid. Pitch in and help a little.





On the other hand, if your kid is in school, your wife does have a duty to help with the house since she doesn't have any other jobs. Casually and calmly bring up the subject with her.
Is she depressed? Just asking because I've had a couple of bouts of depression and I can not manage the house at these times and it's all I can do to do even the most simple of things. Just a thought..
Pick up the extra slack even though your plate is full. Do this for a few weeks, then ask her if she would do 1 of the items. She should be willing to do that after seeing you working at home after coming home from work.





After a few more weeks, ask her to do something else until the workloads are fairly balanced.





Remember: It's not always a 50-50 relationship. Sometimes it's 60-40 and sometimes it's 70-30.
How many kids do you have? Because I can tell you it's hard to get anything done with kids in the house- I have 4- 2 in school %26amp; 2 at home %26amp; sometimes it takes me all day just to wash dishes %26amp; same days I don't even get a shower because I'm chasing kids all day- my husband felt the same way but I told him I'm home to take care of our kids %26amp; the housework gets done when I get time! The whole point of me staying home was to be with my kids not clean house!
you seem like a decent enough guy just by the way u worded this because had it been my hubby he would have simply said ';my wife's being a lazy b*tch, please help!'; lol





anyway, what is your child like? i ask because i'm a sahm and based on my daughters behavior or needs that day is what determines how much i'll get done. if your daughter is in school then that's just a lil pathetic (3 day old dishes =/.ew), but if she's home with mom, very active, still very young and needs moms devoted attention, well i can see how it may be hard to get some ';minor'; things done. just ask your wife how she's doing at home..it may seem like a vaca. to u cause she sleeps late, but she may also just be feeling stuck in a rut..you get tired of doing the same nothing everyday. ask her if she's doing okay at home with your child and if she'd like if you spent time with your child while she got some of the thing she didn't get done during the day done while your home..stuff like that! lol idk. that's the best i can do. haha good luck man
Oh my.....





Well, this answer isn't going to sit ';pretty'; with the females who read it but I'm in agreement with you according to what you've described in your question.





I work extensively with the public, it's my job. And most of the ';Stay at home'; Moms that I know work their behinds off because they love their husbands, know that he's hitting the grind bigtime earning all the money that keeps the house running, the lights on, the bills paid and puts money in the pockets of the kids and his wife.





He goes to work every single day to a thankless job, has a huge burden on his shoulders and he knows it.





Because he is the sole means of providing life as his family knows and enjoys it.





Women have been whining and crying ever since they became a dominate factor in the workforce about not being able to spend enough time with their kids. They fought for that right, marched in the streets for that right, lobbied congress and moved mountains for that right.





Well, they GOT IT.





And now they've found it's not all it's cracked up to be but it's too late now. Families almost DEMAND that both parents work now because of the direction this economy has turned in the past 30 years.





I know, I've lived throught it as an adult, I remember what it was like when Mom stayed at home and Dad could still afford to feed his family on his salary.





Your wife has gotten lazy and complacent. It's as simple as that. And if she's sleeping in every morning?





Then I suspect your child is in school and gets him/herself off to school with your help.





Women can say they want to be ';Stay at home Moms'; but along with that there is also the factor of being a ';Stay at home WIFE';.





Did she forget that?





I mean, she IS MARRIED TO YOU right?





It's time she held up her end of the bargain and it's time she gets reminded that the HOME is where she has chosen to do her job. That includes making sure the home is running smoothly, her child is brought up right due to her constant presence and that that GARDEN GETS WEEDED today!





You don't have to be a tyrant, but she doesn't have to be so slothful either. You're busting your nuts so everything even can run in the first place!





She needs to do her part. ';Stay at home Mom. Boy, sounds ideal eh? Well, if your hubby is paying all the bills and assuming the beast on his shoulders to provide the fuel to keep the home running, then the ';Stay at home Mom'; should at least assume the role she has expressly chosen.





I know, I know.....I'm in for some flack....let me have it but it's the truth and every working man with a wife at home knows it!
i hope get better
I think you need to address the issue ASAP. Being a wife and a parent is a full time job, there's no space for slacking, we slack when we're teenagers and single, she should know that when you're married and have kids you need to make adjustments in your lifestyle. With all due respect she's being lazy, and don't think of me a as a sexist, because me and my wife share all the house work and I understand the importance of helping her, but this is too much, you need to confront her and let her know how you feel about it. I wish you the best.
I hardly get any cleaning done. Running after my one year old all day means I just don't get the chance unless my hubby takes care of her for a few hours, or does some cleaning. He does nether unless I nag, and I am not going to nag him.
sounds like Peggy to me..


but do her Job for a week and se how you feel



Yes, talk to her in the most respectable way as possible as being her husband. Let her know what you do appreciate her as being an SAHM. Just tell her that you are upset that she id not taking her role seriously.. Yes she is tired, but someone has to do the dishes..
never under-estimate the work of taking care of a child!! as long as things eventually get done, try to be more understanding. talk to her about getting things done faster. watching after a child is tiring so sleeping in isnt a problem. she is a stay at HOME mom, so yes she should be acting like she is at her home and not at work!!
Well I don't think she should have to do everything. Maybe you should take care of the garden. And don't tell her ';hey, I think you're acting like you are on vacation instead of cleaning up';. Just ask her why the dishes haven't been done in 3 days. Maybe the kid has been sick or something and she's been extra busy? Tell her that you think 3 days might be a little long to not be doing the dishes. Offer to help her get them caught up, but then it's her job to do them the next time.