How much more should I have to do?

I'm a sahm and my husband works mon-fri 8am-3.30pm. His mother lives with us as shes elderly and had a fall hurt her hip.


Ok, so we've got 4 kids their 2, 4, 5 %26amp; 9. During the day I have my 2 %26amp; 4 yrs old at home plus the other two take and pick up from schoo. I also help his mother take a bath, get dressed, have lunch etc 'cos she doesn't walk well. I do all the cleaning, laundry and cooking (his mom is capable of doing some stuff but she doesn't) and I take out trash weed lawns etc. Once a month hubby mows the lawn.


He will not do anything else in the house. If I ask him he's been working all day. He won't ask him mom to help a little either. I don't feel like a wife and mother I feel like a maid.


Why won't he help a little? I've tried asking, explaining we've argued what will it take? I'm always exhausted and now I have depression how much more should I have to take from him?How much more should I have to do?
You have to get your self on a schedule, have the older two children start doing their share. And the younger ones doing a little. Your hubby is who he is, so why complain about it, do what you can do about it and manage the situation. He does bring home the check so that is nice. Be happy with what you have.How much more should I have to do?
Well if it were me I'd do it in stages....1st off ,tell him you've been working all day when he asks you to do something for him(like sex) %26amp; 2nd, if he really won't listen , hire someone to help you %26amp; make him pay for it. The 2 places that hurt a man the most....%26amp; interestingly they're both below the belt, his manhood %26amp; his wallet!
He sucks. Put your MIL in a nursing home. You have enough to take care of.
sorry to hear the depressed, pain your in at the moment. I'm sorry to say this but your 'man' needs to step up to the plate...my man works from 7am-4pm comes home and helps me out not alot but enough.





he needs to get you some help before your mental health suffers anymore and you too need to get some help for yourself....is there a local community house, play group or mothers group you could attend in your area? that way you could get out the house and do some fun social activities and not be stuck at home cleaning etc all day.





you need a maid or at least some elderly respite care so all this stress is not on your shoulders





please seek some help very soon before the kettle blows its top...if you know what I mean....and thats not healthy





take care and good luck :-)
Firstly, this is not a problem that has sprung up overnight. What has happened recently to make you feel more resentful about this situation? Was it the diagnosis of depression? If so, then you are at a very vulnerable low point; I really don't think that you should make any rash decisions right now. Better to see a psychiatrist and get your depression sorted out before you tackle your husband. Believe me, I know...I've been right there before. If you feel that you are about to do something you might regret, call a close friend or relative for some help; perhaps a weekend stay with them (take the kids, too) might shock hubby but can only serve to show him how much he needs you (and how you could leave him if he doesn't get his mother out of there). Goodluck.
Dont take it from him, girl! Lay down the law, and if he doesnt like it, let him know about it. Take a day off (dont say where you're going), leave the kids with him, and go shopping or to a hot springs or something. Get a little relaxation, dont kill yourself of the stress.





Then at a nice late hour, when you're all relaxed, go home. Depending on what kind of a person he is, he might be angry, but let him know that you cant take it from him, and he needs to pull his weight or you'll end up leaving him permanently.





Don't work yourself into the ground, even over love of your kids. If you can afford it, get a babysitter, wait untill the eldest is old enough to babysit themselves, or be realy nice to his mum and ask if she can look after them for an hour or two.





In fact, ask his mum yourself. If you be nice about it, and approach her right, hopefully she'll be happy to help- even if its just with little things, like cooking toast or something, that'd probably be a great help to you.





Honestly, you realy shouldnt have to take this from him at all. If you feel desperate enough, you should just crash. It's a little irresponsible, but if you feel that bad, you should just stop doing stuff. Hopefully when the garbage piles up, and the kids start whining about being hungry, he should come to his senses and realise that he should be helping.





It's likely that he's just used to the way things are always done. If you can do something that will shock him into changing that pattern, it'd be better for the both of you. You realy shouldnt have to take it from him, it's horrible.





I wish you the best of luck.
A couple of the answers above me have good advice. I agree that he needs a good sharp shock.


If he doesn't think that what you do is work, or important, stop doing it for a while. Look after yourself and your children and let him fend for himself (and his mum!).


8am to 3.30pm is not 'all day'. My day begins at 6am and ends around 9pm. That's excluding the night shift!


He should be helping you out far more. Granted he shouldn't be doing the bulk of the housework but I don't see any reason why he couldn't clean up the kitchen after dinner or help you bath the children.


Don't ask or reason anymore. Lay down the law and tell him that he needs to be more fair, or you will have to leave. DO NOT let your own mental health suffer anymore, your children need you too much.


Good luck, I hope you manage to work something out.
Sounds like you are doing just fine. I'm a sahm, too, and just extremely grateful that my husband works so very hard to allow us to have me at home.


And bless you for looking after your MIL - that's just wonderful!
You should do enough to keep the house humming! If this means you have too much in duties, Then, you have too much to do and should bring this up to your husband. Your husband


has some banking hours 9 to 3. Could he give you a helping hand around the house? People make work to be done. I


hope my little hints , keeps you thinking and doing less work!
Wow, you have a lot on your plate. You must be a wonderful mother %26amp; wife to be able to take care of it all.





While I have not personally been in this situation, one of my friends has been there. She eventually just told him I need a few days off %26amp; went to her parents for 2 days, 1 night. He was forced to take over the household %26amp; after just 2 days, he understood and began to help out a little more.





I don't know if your situation would permit you to do that, but maybe the extreme is the only way to really make him understand.





My thoughts will be with you.
You have had some excellent answers and here is my two pence worth.





Firstly with your husband he is working to provide which is great but he seems to have got the 'traditional' roles a bit mixed up. As far as I am concerned 'traditionally' a woman will do all the housework, cooking and cleaning but the husband will work, empty the trash and do all the heavy gardening if not all the gardening, the decorating and D.I.Y.





I am not necessarily advocating the above but that is my interpretation of 'traditional' roles. If I was you I would fix a rota, the 5 %26amp; 9 year olds can do chores. The 4 %26amp; 5 year olds can set the table, the 9 year old can clear the table and do the dishes/load the dishwasher - even if they leave the pots and pans and sharp knives for you then can do some of it. All children can tidy up their toys and put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket instead of over the floor the older ones can help the 2 year old, this can also work at getting dressed/ready to leave the house.





You need to ask your MIL to do things, I certainly don't want to attack you because I really feel for you but sometimes in situations like these the person working all the time doesn't communicate to the other adults and they can be shocked they feel like that. For that reason it is important to talk to your husband and to ask hubbie and MIL to do tasks in the house - a rota may help with this or asking 'if I do this ....will you do that....please' making it clear that you are still going to be doing things but that you can't do a million things at once.





Your husband doesn't work excessively long hours but he does work and I don't know if his job is extremely physical or stressful but he should still be helping you. Perhaps a couple of times a week he could get the kids to bed for you - it would provide bonding time for him and mean you just nip upstairs to kiss them goodnight. Also give him the option that if he doesn't want to help out alot more in the house then can he pay someone to help. Just a cleaner 5 hours aweek would ease your stress, or someone to do the ironing you can sometimes find a local teenager who could do this or look after your children when you are doing jobs for a low wage.





Your MIL needs to help out where you can but you need to ask her she may be afraid to interfere or she may just be lazy. Also find out if there are any community/government funding things for your MIL to go to - there are sometimes things like dial-a-ride to bingo or sewing circles etc so she can mingle and socialise with people her own age and get from under your feet.





I would also ask if it is possible to get out on your own even if this is just 3 hours every other week to do things on your own and get away from the house - it would again give your husband bonding time with the children. In the same way get the children to bed ask your MIL to babysit and go out with your husband even if it is just a movie or for a couple of drinks and stay local incase there is a problem.





Good luck I hope you get it started and start feeling better soon - best wishes.