So my now husband %26amp; I have been together for 4 1/2yrs now we. Have been married since November. He is my everything, I love him so much %26amp; don't know what I would do without him. We just had a son who is almost a month old. Before I got pregnant our sex life was not good %26amp; my husband would constantly tell me that. He wants to have sex at least 3x a week I have a low sex drive. So now that I just had a baby I can't have sex yet...he told me that when I'm able to have sex either we have sex to meet his standards or I should find someone for him to have sex with or he is going to cheat.:.this broke my heart. Also I am confused/upset cause he was supposed to stop smoking ciggarettes/weed when our son was born...he did but only for one week. Now he smokes at least once a day. When I ask him to watch the baby so I can shower/cook/clean/take a nap he acts like he doesn't want to do it and gets an attitude. Also he says he shouldn't have to take care of the baby now cause I'm on maternity leave %26amp; he works and when I have to go back to work he will have to watch him...but I only work 5 hrs a day. He works nights so I'm up all night with the baby but he's mad cause when I go back to work instead of sleeping when he gets home at 5am he will have to be up til 1pm ...but then he can sleep til he has to go to work. He doesn't help clean or do laundry...only thing he does is occasionally cook. He never compliments me like he used to. Most of the time we argue. I just feel like what is he there for and do I deserve better? On the other hand I love him so much and don't know how to live without him. Any advice...thanks!Can somebody please give me some honest advice for my whirlwind life...thanks!?
You don't love him, you only think you do because you love the idea of a family. He is a selfish prick who isn't going to change whether you ask nicely and waste your life waiting. He has ';me'; syndrome and that is not a positive father or husband quality. You obviously let yourself be blindly lead into this relationship without first becoming a strong independent woman. You let all of your happiness, independence and whatever else become reliant on him. Now you need to take some steps to better your life for your childs sake. Weed is illegal you know, right? I would not allow that in my house with kids. All it would take is a complaint from a neighbor or someone to call CPS over the weed issue and your child could be taken to foster care. I'd get rid of him (my 1st child's dad was like this and I cringe at the time I wasted being with him) and get counseling for your low self esteem.Can somebody please give me some honest advice for my whirlwind life...thanks!?
wow, im sorry. you should of really evaluated him as a husband before marrying him. Sounds like you should let him go, do you really want your son to grow up with a father liek that?
You married an abuser who slowly over 4.5 years has got you in a position you can't get out of. He holds all the cards. The real question is, why did you allow any of this in first place then get pregnant?
Are you kidding? Even if you don't think you deserve better, don't you want your baby to have a father who actually wants to be involved with him and keeps his promises (including marriage vows)? You're already essentially being asked to act like a single parent, so wish him luck finding a woman who'll provide him with sex on demand without getting anything in return and show him the door.
Im sorry to say you guys have issues. You say you love this man but he does nothing to help you but insists on a great sex life or he going to cheat on you? Im not being cruel but you have a low self esteem. You deserve better then someone constantly complaining and criticizing you. Suggest counseling which im sure he will refuse. You have a decision to make whether you want to continue the way things are. Are find a life that you can be happy in.
Hi - he is your 'everything'? Good grief.
I would start sniffing around what he's been up to; I'll wager he's mucking around with someone else already.
''he told me that when I'm able to have sex either we have sex to meet his standards or I should find someone for him to have sex with or he is going to cheat'' - what a pig.
And a doper to boot.
Best advice is 'Lose that Loser.'
Good luck to you and baby.
He should not be stepping out on you let alone asking you to procure a hoe for him to plow. That's just plain gross and no way to handle a problem. He needs to clean up his act. What are you going to do? Accept this crappy behavior or not? If you accept infidelity that is what you will get. Don't do it. Stand up to him.
Eeewww. I suppose he says he doesn't need to go to counseling and rehab either. He is a LOSER, a really bad role model for your child, a user, abuser, and I say flush him, get counseling for yourself, then get back on your own 2 feet and raise that baby right. Try not to fall back into a relationship with the same type of cretin or you'd get what you want. Misery.
This guy is emotionally abusive. It sounds like he may be feeling that he got trapped into marriage because of your pregnancy. He is very immature, not a good husband and definitely not a good father. Things will only get worse.
You need to leave this nightmare while you are still young and able to find someone else who will be the husband you deserve and the father your son deserves. It sounds like your self-esteem is in shreds. If you stay any longer, he will destroy it completely. You are two emotionally damaged people or you would never have gotten together since like attracts like. Emotionally, he has already left the marriage, assuming he ever was really in it.
Eventually, he will leave you and then how will you feel? You will probably write a question on Yahoo! Answers asking why he left after you gave him everything and loved him so much. Well, let me answer that question now. He left because you became an emotional punching bag and a doormat and were not performing your wively duties to his satisfaction. He's a LOSER. He is not performing his husbandly duties or fatherly duties. What exactly is it that you love about him? You're holding onto nothing and your life is going down the drain. Your son is picking up on the bad vibes. He knows his mother is unhappy, insecure, nervous, etc. Don't do this to your child. It's time you admit to yourself that you made a terrible mistake and move one.
Although your husband went about it an extermely arrogant and insensitve way, he at least explained to you what he expected out of your marriage. Now it is your turn! You lay guidelines down as well. That you want to be helped with your child/laundry/housework what have you or you will cheat/divorce. Then explain to him that in order for you to become more sexually driven he has to compliment you and show affection. I would also tell him that him helping out around the house turns you on. I know it does for me anyway if it doesn't for you....lie who cares? Having a baby put's added stressers on women and men's lives. It's something new for you both, you both are maybe going through a little bit of baby blues at this point. Make sure you aren't being too sensitive or overly emotional throughout the day. Use deductive reasoning, ask yourself why is he behaving this way? Have I done something? If you can't figure it out, you need to ask him yourself, if you can figure it out apologize even if you don't want to...again give and take, if he sees that you have apologized a throughout the days he will soon follow suit...You can't just hide your feelings or issues and sweep them under the rug, you cant yell or scream, throw tantrums nor can he do any of this. Marriage is about communication, you both need to communicate to each other the good and the bad. If you are complaining about something do it this way.....';You know I really did appreciate you helping me this morning, but I really need help with this right now.'; Start with a positive, end with the negative. As for the pot smoking and cigarettes, I am pretty much for adults making their own choices in these matters, if it's not hurting you or your child then it's a non issue to me personally. If he is smoking all in your child's area, face, room yea it's bad, if he is spending grocery money on weed, yea it's bad. If he is smoking a joint to release the stressers of the day, who cares?? Is it worth endless arguements, fights, divorce? Although it's illegal ';persay'; it's much better than being a raging alcoholic or heroin addict. And I am almost certain he picked this habit back up because of too many ';changes'; happening with your new son. Men go through ';baby blues'; as well. Finally, marriage is about picking your battles wisely the more you two bicker about non/petty issues the more likely you will be divorced. Best of luck and Regards.
It sounds like your husband doesn't want to be a father to the baby. Whether he works or not he should spend alone time with him. The sex thing, he shouldn't have gotten married if he can't be faithful to you. What if he was sick %26amp; couldn't have sex with you, would he want you to just go find someone else to satisfy you? He needs to grow up and be patient with you. Having a baby changes a woman's body more than you think. Sounds like he is letting the wrong head do his thinking for him.
What exactly do you 'love' about this man? He sounds cruel, self-centered, and mean-spirited. Marriage is supposed to be about kindness, caring, patience, and your lives together. His smoking cigarettes and weed will not only be expensive, but it will lead to complete apathy and arrogance. Having been there and back, my advice is to get back to work and start squirreling away money so you can leave him. If you have family, leave him sooner- like now. This guy is a real loser. Threatening your sexual lives with 'cheating' because you aren't ready is horrific, nasty, and cruel. This guy sounds like he thinks he's some sort of special catch. Ugh, Ick, Yuck.
As for your comment, ';I don't know what I'd do without him,'; you'd be better off doing anything without him. You are a mother now, and your child is #1. I guarantee you that neither the child or you will be #1 for him. He's #1.
You aren't confused. You are bummed. You made a poor choice marrying this idiot, and a worse one having a child with him. Get out. Run. ';RUN, Forrest, RUN.'; He's a loser and things will get really scary if you try and stick it out.
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