How do I get my husband to help out?

My hubby seems to be in the 1950's. I'm a stay-at-home mom to 3 sons and in my second trimester with our 4th child. He works regular 40 hr. week. I'm expected to clean up after the 2 dogs, the kids, and him. take care of house entirely, run errands,pay bills. If he does do anything to help (like mow the lawn, but doesn't use the weed wacker) he either acts like he's superman or more likely whines that his bak hurts cause he's 6'6'; and has to hunch over to hold the handle on the mower or his wrist hurts. Never does dishes cause that would make his back hurt and he works all day. I feel bad asking my 8 and 5 yr. old to do much cause they already help out more than my hubby. my 8 yr. old dries dishes for me and they both help watch over my 10 month old while I cook dinner. I don't have a dishwasher. I have to carry laundry up and down 2 flights of steps. He doesn't even throw away his own pop cans. His idea of playing with the baby is putting the baby on his lap, give him a tvHow do I get my husband to help out?
If you were in the 1950's, you would have no trouble keeping up, and you would be happy to do it. Housewives back then never seemed to have so much trouble.





Everything that you need to live is provided for you by your husband, who reports to work every day in order to provide for you and the kids. The clothes you wear, the house you run, the food you cook, the car you run errands in and the money you use to pay those bills are all given to you, that is your payment for the work you do at home. He brings home the bacon, and you fry it up. By the way, this is the reason that people that were married in the 50's are still married today, because they knew their roles, and were happy to fill them. Today, people aren't as happy to fill those roles, and hence have a 50% divorce rate.





A word about children. You are the one that chose to have 4 children. If you did not think that you could handle that many children, you should not have had them. You should have voiced these concerns to your husband before having so many kids, and then you wouldn't have so much on your plate. I hate when people crank out all these kids, and then complaing about having to care for them like they are victims. Nowadays, you can plan and control when you have children, and you should have thought about how much work would be involved before you had the kids. Me and my wife do not have kids yet, by design, and it has already been discussed and decided how many we will have, when, how will the work situation go, division of labor, etc. This is what you should have done, and if 4 kids and 2 dogs seemed like a lot of work, you should have realised that years ago and not had so many kids.





I don't know your work history or how long you have been out of the job market, but whatever your husband does for a living, I guarantee that he has to deal with people and things that he doesn't like all day long. I'll bet that he has to deal with as much stress as you do, if not more.





Finally, lets look at the benefits that you get by being a stay at home mom, that your husband does not get. Were you there for all of your children's first steps, first words, etc.? How many of those events happened when your husband was at work? There have been and will be many events in the lives of your children that your husband will never get to experience (as you will), because he is busy working so that you don't have to.





So, from the situation that you described in your question, I don't see things being too unbalanced at all. He provides you and your children with the necesities of life, and you in return provide a stable home and well cared for children. Sounds even-stevens to me.





You talk about him whining, but it seems to me that he has nothing on you.How do I get my husband to help out?
there is a wonderful web-site called





www.flylady.com





she gives house cleaning tips but also tips on hubby's who won't help out.
Go on strike!!
that's the man you married he will not change...you just have to deal with it
Well - you might just stop doing things like the trash, his laundry - things that don't affect the health or well-being of yourself and the kids. Maybe he will get the hint. Make it tough for him to avoid a part of the work. Sort of go on strike.
Sounds like my father. My mother did it to herself. She babied him and took care of him and now it is expected. Sorry, but it sounds like you put yourself in this position. Once men get a taste of what it is like to be waited on hand and foot they don't ';forget'; it.





Leave the $hit around the house, he will get the point. Tell him you are not his maid. Although since you are a stay at home mom, he could say that is part of your ';job responsibilities.';
You're a stay at home mum, that's your job. He does his job - do you expect him to work all day then come home and do your work too?


I work 55 hours per week - my husband does around 60. We don't have kids and I still manage to run my house, pay bills, do the shopping etc. Stop complaining - you sound like you've got it easy to me!
If you have asked in the past (sounds like you have till you're blue in the face) couples therapy is probably a best bet if you want to make it work. Having that unbiased party in a room can make all the difference. IF he is willing to go.





good luck!
Well since he brings home the money just make him realize that you do as much suffering as him and maybe he could cut you some slack
pick his favoret place to enjoy himself...do not clean it at all, let him drop all his stuff there, when it gets bad he will help
Find yourself a really hot handyman and flirt like crazy in front of your husband. Tell hubby to just stay in his chair and watch TV... ;o) Your hubby will soon be doing all those things round the house just to so there's no need to have the handyman in ;o)
And yet, you chose to have 4 children with him. If you have a REAL issue with doing your job (the one you chose....a very admirable one of stay at home mom), then change jobs. Hire day care and Merry Maids and go back to work. Problem solved. You knew who you married.
Did you get pregnant by yourself?!!!! These are his kids too and his responsibility. Next time he wants a ';roll in the hay';...tell him the barn door is closed to him, till you get some rules laid down and some changes are made. You might want to make sure this is your last child! And you are one smart lady having the children help. This will insure that they grow up to be caring, self sufficient adults. Unlike their Father.
have him go to the doctor he might not be kidding you over his pains.
Well.....let him know how much the kids are helping out with the house than himself. Let him watch them. With the lawn thing, (if it is in your budget) invest in an riding lawn mower. Then with the dishes, make him sit down in a chair and wash or dry. You are pregnant honey!!! You really don't need this right now. Another option could be a cleaning lady only until you give birth or something. hopes this helps!.......oh yeah congrats on your new addition.
You need to have a family meeting and tell them you need more help. Pick a few things they can help with and divide the work load up so its not terribly difficult for any of them but still helps you out. Between all of them, if they each pick up one little task they can help you out a great deal. They need to be understanding of you at this time, you NEED help, and you shouldn't be afraid to ask for it. That's what a family is for. You should get this out of the way before your 3rd tri, so the habits will be formed and you won't have to enforce the help anymore. You are doing extra work already by being pregnant, one more or two more chores each is not an unreasonable request of your family, especially your husband.
that;s kind of nasty...


though you should had him 'trained' since the very begginin of ur marriage. It might be too late now.


Thouhg u can try to ask for his help and stand firm on ur position if he refuses. tell him, he should give you a hand .... Do not accept his refuse!!!!!!!!! I think he's amnipulating you in a way... juts like children do most times. he noticed you're doing everything and always accepted his negative responses, so he plays you on his fingers.
There's nothing wrong with the older siblings helping out around the house. Daddy has made it so you are able to be a stay at home mom BUT he certainly can help out more. Have him carry the laundry up and down the stairs. Have him clear the table and do dishes at least 2 nights a week. You need to TELL him he is doing these things. Make dinner for you and the kids only and see how he likes that.
Getting the kids to help is ok, you can make it fun for them, like give them stars if they do a certain amount of chores and then they get something, a reward. I mean unless they are cleaning the ENTIRE house...it's ok.Maybe it does hurt your husband's back to mow the lawn so hire a teenager in the neighbourhood to do that. Your husband does this because he is either used to it or you allow it. If this really really bothers you then Go on strike! The world wont end because the dishes, or laundry aren't done and you are making a point. Eventually your husband will (hopefully) find the house disgusting and he will do something about it. That reminds me I have to clean my house...yuck...GOOD LUCK 2 U!!!
Have you tried just sitting him down and talking to him? How about leaving him with all the kids and housework for one day to see how he reacts? The kids are both parents responsibility, not just yours! Just sit down and refuse to do anything, girl you deserve a break!!
Hes spoiled rotten.


You need to sit down and talk


Come up with a list of duties you expect.


If he complains then he probly wont change.


Most women are not in a sexual mood after that kind of behavior.


You catch my drift?
Be thankful for heathy children a husband who will actually go to work a 40 hour week and that you can stay home and raise them. Would suck it you had to work a 40 hour week and then come home and do you motherly duties. And god forbid have a sick child to deal with. I think you need to count your blessing. If it was all that bad you wouldnt be expecting #4.
Unfortunately being born in the 1950's that type of person is set in their ways. Just like the women in this day and age are set in their ways. Your husband is old fashioned. When the women maintained the house and kids, while the father provides for the family. Your husband is 50+ right now so, a lot of things that he could do before are kind of limited. He works all day, and wants to come home to relax. I understand your about to give birth, congratulations! under the circumstances.


But the only way your going to have him help you is to try and talk to him, either that or hire a nanny. He is going to provide for 6 people now and this day and age, thats very hard. It's not like how it was in the 50's, So it's got to be stressful on him also. your going to have to talk to him, thats the only way I see it working out. He has to be in his 50 or almost 60's now. having kids at that age is risky. only thing I can tell you is that your going to have to talk to him. Thats pretty good that your other kids are helping out with the chores. but even the kids need time to be kids. My heart goes out to you and your family, and good luck in the future.
Maybe you should think about not having any more children.


Your husband should see a doctor about his back.
Sounds like you've got yourself a full-time job.





Sounds like he does to.





My wife and I kind of went through this for a while. I was working a 50/hr week management position, and my wife was taking care of the home and our daughter. She thought I should be taking care of some of the house chores when I'm home. I thought that I already worked all day, and that dishes were part of her job. Well, that went on for a while until I got a new job with a more consistent schedule, she was able to pick up a part time job, just so she could get out of the house more often, and make a little extra cash. She was working 3 nights a week, and I recognized the trade-off and cleaned up the house and took care of the dishes while she was gone.





They are both very important jobs. You each have a responsibility to the family. Until there's a way to document what the professional moms are putting into it, it's hard to tell who's not pulling their weight. Try recording how much time you spend doing things. How long did the dishes take? How many hours did you spend scrubbing the bathroom? How long did it take to make dinner? Watching the kids can be a pain in the behind, and you can only play doll house so many times in one day... trust me, I know. But only count that as a background activity. For example, right now my daughters sitting behind me coloring while I'm on the computer. Not really tough for me. Add it all up, see how many hours YOU are putting in every week. If it's a lot less than his 40, then be content, you got the easy half. If it's a lot more, bring it up, let him know. Next day he has off, tell him you're going on a day-vacation. Give him a list of what you normally do when he's gone, hand him the kids, and go enjoy yourself. When you come back he may have a new found respect for what you do.
Just keep up the good work. Isn't that what stay at homes are for. Why in hell you would want four brats is beyond me.





Honestly I sympathies with you. He should help around the house. Just how you can make him do this I do not know.





You might try leaving the area where sits a lot in the evenings just as he leaves it and do not clean up after him. I bet he sure gets angry.





Sorry I really never was that Way. I do more of the house work than the woman here does. I really do not mind at all.
Maybe I am an old fashioned girl but I kinda thought this is how it is supposed to work. I dont have any kids but I do have a husband and there are certain things that he does like mow the lawn and take out the trash. There are certain things that I do like clean and bake, and there are certain things that we do together like load the dishwasher and sometimes we cook dinner together. BUT I do not stay at home, we both work a 40 hour week so we share a lot of the responsibilities. However, if I stayed home all day every day I would be doing a lot more of those things. I think it is normal for the woman to do most of the things you described but maybe he could help you with some things. You said he mows the law, if you have a push mower that can be quite a job, especially after working all day. As far as cleaning up after himself that will probably never change, but you can try to talk to him and tell him it is only polite that when he makes a mess he cleans it up, that didn't work for me but maybe it will work for you. Good luck, it seems like you have a pretty sweet deal to me.