I need advice I have to get out of this relationship?

Im in a relationship of 11 years we have 2 children, for the past 5 years the relationship has been dead between us, I am trapped he will not leave because he says he will never leave his kids and if I want out I have to go.



The kids would be absoultley heartbroken if we split when we row they cry and beg us not to split up the relationship is destroying us all no one is happy.



He smokes weed everyday which I hate with a vengance I dont want my children growing up around it he says he doesnt smoke it in the house so its not an issue he just goes to work everyday comes home eats dinner smokes his weed and falls asleep until the kids go to bed he then wakes and stays up reallly late despite having to be up at 4.30am for work, he comes home and the scenario repeats.



I work part time and run the house solely, I manage the bills, cleaning ,cooking, kids, etc. I have no support he sees it that as I work part time I should do everything in the house which I agree to some extent but not all and help at weekends would be appriciated.



He has no interest in what me and the kids do or how we are, he never wants to talk.



I have spoken to him, cried and begged to help me as at times I feel so so low like I cant go on.



He just burys his headin the sand nothing happens he just carries on as normal I cant cope with this anymore please someone give me some advice I have nobody I can talk to about this.I need advice I have to get out of this relationship?
Staying together for this kids damages them more than separating. They pick up on the tension before you even realise it, their receptors are sharper than ours.



What country are you in, as I believe the law differs.



Kick him out, whether he wants to leave or not. If he physically refuses then make the move yourself, with the kids, there are refuge places available if nothing else. What sort of man would see his kids on the street while he lives in a large house?



Another issue, if he had counselling for his drug habit, do you think it could bring your husband back, the one you fell in love with? Maybe by walking out you will make him see that you are serious and it will be the kick in the butt he needed to make the change?I need advice I have to get out of this relationship?
Get a lawyer. Start saving up every penny you can in a secret account so when you do leave you are not left wth nothing. Explain to your lawyer that your husband does drugs and that you do not want your kids around it anymore. When you go to court request that he take drug tests regularly and must pass them to see the children. Children always take these things hard but its much better for them to be sad for a short period and then see how much better things are than to have you both unhappy all the time.
only way u just move out with kids and convince them,i hope he will stop his habit and join u.

try to seek help from ur council social services.
This cannot go on hun, atleast you are being the responsible one out of the pair of you and admitting that there is a problem.

More too often than not, people just carry on for the sake of it and like previously mentioned, it is probably better for your kids that you end this now and they do not have to live like they have been anymore.

Be realistic, you are not a family anymore anyway are you as he clearly isnt interested one little bit about you and your children and would rather smoke weed. Just think, the money he spends on that could pay for you to all have a nice family day out. He isnt be fair and he needs to realise this.

He is being selfish, he says he will not leave the kids, however he is not interested in them and would rather come home and smoke drugs than help with there homework etc.

I understand you probably love him, but he is not obviously the man you fell in love with all them years ago. I think you really need to make him realise this. Are you scared to comfront him?? If things are really that bad then I would suggest maybe you go and stay with relatives and take the children with you, and then maybe he might realise that he is about to lose everything. If you cannot work things out then maybe change the locks and tell him his stuff is ready and that he needs to live somewhere else until he can face up to his responsibilities and work at saving his marriage.

If he loves you and the children enough he will want to work this out before its too late... If you don't want to work things out then I would get advice from a solicitor about what actions you can take to get him out of the house, as you would rather he goes than uproot the children from their home. Good luck xxx
That sounds like it was written by me a few years ago, I can help you and yes you have to get out, if you would like to chat with me on yahoo I'm here for you and I CAN help.



Take care Kath
Hi, As you know things will only get worse and not better as your partner is not making any effort at all, a partnership is a 50/50 thing and gone are the day's when the women do everything in the home. Men should also take responsibility, not just for general household duties but the children as well. Your children are just being as any child would be not wanting parents to split up, being in an ideal situation mum, dad, 2.4 children, but as your children start to get older they will start to resent their dad, as they will start to realise just what he is like, I remember many years ago my daughter told me if her dad and i split up then she would have to go and live with him as it would not be fair for me to have both children, as my children grew my daughter said thank goodness i didnt go to live with him just look what he is like. No way would i have let her go..... but let's get back to you, the courts are all in favour for the mother to have the children and the home, they will evict your partner and things will not be easy for you, please go to citizens advice or consult a solicitor (they are normally free for your first visit) don't waste your life waiting for your partner to change, also there is another reason for you to get rid of your partner do you really want your children thinking that it's normal behaviour to act like your partner does, he does not sound like a good role model, i wish you the very best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
damn, i know kindda how u feel, what to do, i don't know, when a guy won't listen or respect anything u say it's hard, i hate it i can be yelling in my boyfriend face and he will just sit there dumbfounded, it makes me wanna rip his head off, he is content with this life we have but i need more from him, and when i try to tell him it's like talking to a brick wall, i don't want to leave him, i want him to change his ways, but if he won't listen how can i get that across to him, i don't know what to do either, i have 1 on the way due in 11 days, so i know about wanting to stay for the kids, but we have to think about us too, we can't be unhappy forever, plust the happier we are, the happier our kids can be! If u really want to leave him, go ahead and find some type of way to make it work for the kids, whether it be taking turns with them or whatever, your only getting older, u have to live your life before it passes u by and you be 60 years old wondering what u could have done in life!
call 0845 241 2171 advice line. excellent!
To be honest, it will be easier for the kids to deal with their parents separating then it is for them to see there parents fighting all the time. I know it will be hard but if it is for the best then do it. Talk to child services about your choices.