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Is he an abusive husband? I have been married for 7 years. My husband (overall) is a good man. He cooks for our son and I almost every single night (5 out of 7 nights) after he gets home from a 10 hour work day. He takes out the trash, he cuts the lawn, trims it, weeds it, yada, yada. He maintains the pool, does the floors BUT he can get sooo angry so fast. I am always the one who has the problem. For example: I said that I wanted to learn how to cook in order to assist the house in that area - he wanted to ';help'; me but what this really means is that he will stand over me and add spices and such to the meal in order to suit his needs all the while making me nervous and telling me that I am doing things wrong. This has happened regarding the stir fry that I have been cooking for over 10 years...he wanted to add Soy Sauce to the white rice and OH MY GOD...the rice was brown and ALL we could taste was the soy, it was awful. He wouldn't once admit that it was a mistake he only would say that he wouldn't put in that much again. NOW his father was extremely verbally abusive. He used to nail his windows shut so that he couldn't get out of the house at night, and he used to use masking tape to ';keep the kids in at night';...his father was a ';wacko'; so I know the reason as to why he is like this. He DOES NOT do these things to his son, in fact, he is the opposite but with me I get ALL the anger and the blame. I am getting really tired of my 2 year old son witnessing this behavior for I do not want him to be like this and if my husband is any measure as to what could happen with a verbally abusive father I don't want that for my son....what should I do? Going to therapy will be hard for it will have to be over lunch while the boy is in school and I know that he won't go for that...HELP. He also gets on me for leaving the kitchen a mess WHILE I am eating my lunch, however I pick it up AFTER I am done eating...meanwhile he leaves a bowl with the remains of ice cream OVERNIGHT and just says ';oh well';....why does he get the ';pass'; FOR NOT CLEANING UP but I get beat up over having ';crumbs'; out on the counter WHILE I AM EATING even when they will get picked up in 30 minutes....arghhhGet answers from millions of real people.?
No offense he sounds like a dink. Are you happy? IF not call it quits before it gets worseGet answers from millions of real people.?
Um, all you need to do is be able to ask him to stop treating you as though you are his daughter.
You're right, your son will definitely pick up on that. His father is his main example of how a man should treat a woman. It sounds like he had a terrible childhood, and that's something he definitely needs counseling for. I can't help but wonder if you saw these characteristics in him prior to getting married. I think you all need to work something out in order to be able to attend counseling. I think he needs a personal counselor and you two also should try marriage counseling.



In the meantime during a calm time when there's no shouting or anything, I would calmly mention to him the concerns you just wrote out. He should know the way this makes you feel.
Wait for when he is in a normal mood, then tell him - calmly and reasonably, don't make an emotional issue out of it - what you told us.



It's good that he wants to do housework even if he's working, but 5 min of mental abuse is worse than 5 hours of housework. At least in my opinion.



So talk to him. One of the critical things is whether he will also listen, whether he will admit that there might be some point in what you say, and attempt to change himself. People change very, very slowly and some not at all.



If he doesn't want to change... then he will stay that way for another 7 years, and another and another. And it's up to you whether you want to live like that.