PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Room/Housemate Privacy Issues, PLEASE HELP!!?

Essentially, this is about my roomate, who came into my room without my knowledge to get her dust-pan back, and she never told me; but she put it in plain view.



This evening, my house mate asked me if I knew where her dust pan was. I replied that I had it in my room and had forgotten to put it back, apologized and said I would. She then mentioned that she would like to keep it in the bathroom for a few reasons. I let her know I thought that was a good idea, apologized again, and went back to my room. I had a bit of work to do and a few phone calls to make, so about 2 hours later I swept my floor and went looking for the dust pan. I intended to sweep, use the dust pan and then return it to the bathroom. It was NOWHERE to be found, a very bad sign since I KNEW that I left it on the floor next to the closet. and I both live in a VERY uncluttered / minimalist room and am INCREDIBLY organized. It was GONE. So, of course I panicked and went out side to have a cigarette to think. I my way back in, I stopped by the bathroom, and there it was. Sitting there, as if to mock me.



I spent the 2 hours between our conversation and my panicked moment on the phone, cleaning, and doing work. During that time frame, I had without question closed my doors and made sure they were closed. I left my room perhaps 3 times at most, to use the bathroom, to have 1 cigarette, and then to have a 2nd, in panic. When did she come in?



So, without question, during that time my room mate ';snuck'; in to get her precious dollar-store dust pan. Firstly, I realize that it was hers and that I perhaps over-stepping my boundaries by letting it sit in my room, off of its keeping-place for too long. Second, my roomate has openly encouraged me to use her vacuum, despite my hesitancy to use her belongings. Third, because I still was not comfortable using her vacuum, I used her CHEAP DUSTPAN, hanging next to it. I thought this was ok. Was my logic unreasonable? The dust pan was in plain view, in fact, unavoidably noticeable. This struck me as very passive aggressive, avoidance, vengeful and mean-spirited.



Besides this incident, I have been a little annoyed by some of her behaviors but didn't really feel THREATENED by one of them. Granted, there have been a couple of uncomfortable situations in which she has had friends over smoking a little weed, but that was OK. This, however, worries me.



I am a very private person and spend most of my time, when home, in my room. I am NOT interested in getting to know this woman (from whom I am subletting) very well, and instead, want to lead my own life. I am a night owl, and am awake generally until 5 or 6 in the morning,. but make few (if any) noises that could disturb her. I am very clean, never loud and make it a point to ask her daily (but BRIEFLY) how her day was in a pleasant way. Occasionally I cook, and I sometimes leave her food and notes just because.



I keep to myself and my own business. I don't want to get involved in hers, and I tolerate some of her intrusions on mine. This however, freaks me out.



I have two doors in my room. One has a lock and passes into the kitchen (next to her room) and the other does NOT have a lock, and is next to the bathroom (where the dust pan now lives). I ALWAYS make it a point to lock the one door I can and to close the other one. I suppose I have operated from the general belief that while very different than me in some ways, that we were both loyal to each others personal space and privacy.



However, the longer I live here (I have only been here about 1.5 months), the more I am realizing that she DOES want to interact with me more often and that, because I am resolute in my desire to keep my own space, she will say whatever she thinks will get me to hang around her longer. I often feel that I am avoiding leaving my room, because I know that any encounter I have with her will be one that is ';just to let you know / because I forgot to ask you'; or ';sigh. look at how sad I am. will you be my therapist and listen to my stories, as I have such an intense need to be an insecure, manipulative, self-reaffirming and validating parasite';.



I need help with her whollllle passive-agressive resistance to my refusal to be her ';buddy'; and insistannce on communication the extends past the neccisary.



HELLLLLP!

All advice ifs helpful, but, as the issue at hand and most bothersome is the DUST PAN, let's try to focus on that.



%26lt;3

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Room/Housemate Privacy Issues, PLEASE HELP!!?
STOP THE STRESS!! leave the innocent dust pan alone and buy ur own @ the dollar store, that will teach her. LOL ;-) PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Room/Housemate Privacy Issues, PLEASE HELP!!?
All this over a dust pan??? Buy your own while you're at the store, buy a lock for the bedroom door
You wrote all that over a stupid dust pan? Buy your own, and you won't have to worry where it is. Why not move and live by yourself. You don't sound like a person who should live with anyone else.
Buy all of your own cleaning supplies and etc. bc she sounds a bit/way more than a bit OCD about her dust pan.And yes you sound like the type of person who likes and wants to be in your own place bc if your subletting in her place well unfortunately it is her rules.And she is allowed to be that way.And if it keeps bothering you just sit down with her alone and do find out what she is thinking of you and why she did that.Maybe that is why she wants to get to know you so she can explain herself.As much as you don't want to,but socializing with her will help knowing each others ideas.