My parents dont understand that their killing me inside. please help me, i hate the person im becoming.?

okay so im 18

i have an adopted sister who is also 18

a half brother with asburgers who is 16

a sister who is 10

and another brother who is 9.

my dad works at home writing books about how to determin the amount of money it will take to make certaint kinds of computer chips.

he works all day...

he doesnt really talk to us

and if you interupt him...

he gets really, really mad.

my mother has D.I.D. (disasosiative((sp?)) identity disorder ((a.k.a., multipul personality disorder)))

and shes really depressed all the time...

she doesnt have a job, she just collects scocial security.

while my siblings and i are off at school,

she sleeps on the couch all day.

she NEVER cleans, or cooks or anything.

she just complains about how she has no friends, and no life,

and how this isnt where she wanted to end up.

its depressing and annoying.

i inderstand she has a problem, and she needs help...

but she has five kids that shes responsible for.

my mom tried to kill herself a ton of times.

she was in and out of the hospital for two years

she was doing really well for a while

but lately her mental health has been slipping

allmost exactly a year ago,

we were shopping in best buy

my friend came up to us and told us about my old friend tori

and how her parents are crazy and how neither of them want her

and she has a court date tomorrow and no one will take her.

my mom imediately called her and told her she would come get her

and that she could live with us

...without even asking my dad first.

she was abused throughout her entire childhood

so she tries really hard not to be to hard on my little brother and sister

but because of this, they arent disaplined at all.

by the age of nine, my sister had allready threatened to kill herself

and was sent to the mental hospital

she poops in the shower, on the stairway, in her closet

...and even in her own pants

because she can.

shes scared of EVERYTHING.

greenhouse gasses, ticks, spiders, bleach, hand sanitizer, ect.

she wont go outside for too long because of bugs

if you even say the word 'bleach' she screams

if she sees someone use hand sanitizer, she cries

and she freaks out if someone tried to light a fire in the fireplace,

because she thinks it will cause greenhouse gasses.

my brother, whose nine, is the bigest brat ever.

he cried for hours because my dad took away his gameboy...

even though we were at the movies.

he flips out every morning and refuses to ever go to school

their both failing elementry school

because they dont do their homework.

the list of **** about them goes on and on

my sister threatened to kill her teacher once.

their f*cking scary.

they wont clean ANYTHING and they do whatever they want

my sister leaves popcorn everywhere

even in the bathroom.

no one takes care of them,

and no one cleans the house.

the laundry room is just a room with piles of clothes on the floor.

like no joke... you cant see the floor.

you open the door... and there is a pile of clothes at least a foot high

that you need to walk on to get inside.

we never have any food.

i honest to god live off cereal.

we have like 5 boxes of fruity pebbles right now..

and all it i is the crap on the bottom.

we never eat dinner together

we barely see each other

and we all hate each other.

no one helps clean at all

they just add to the mess.

its stressing me out to no end.

from the age of 15 till now,

i was hospitalized 14 times for suicidal thoughts and ODing

i abuse pills,

i steal booze and money from my parents

and they never notice

or just dont care

im finally back at public school

after they kicked me out because they found weed on my person

and after i went to a school for 'emotionaly chalenged kids' for a year

and honestly, im a bright girl

but this environment is so stressfull

i dont know what to do.

i lived in a group home for a year by choice to get away from it..

but all the kids there were ridiculous

and the staff had no control

i used to get teased because i was raped when i was ten.

it was messed up.

i dont know what to do

i hate it here.

i tell my parents all the time how much i hate it

but they dont care.

i cant deal with this place

i get suicidal all the time...

i used to cut myself

but i stoped after i had to get stiches...

again...

but lately... ive been really craving it

the only thing that gets me through the day

is pot, and booze, and k-pins... which im not prescibed

the only thing that gets me up in the morning is coffee and ritalin, which i am prescribed.

every morning i debate wether i even want to finish high school

i dont know where im going, what i want to do

i dont know anything,

the thought of waking up in the morning is so awful

i sometimes debate ODing just so i can be hospitalized

and get away from all this **** for a while

ive missed sooo much school...

like at least a day a week.

AT LEAST

if i do go im late

by like.. an hour,

i didnt go to my A block class onMy parents dont understand that their killing me inside. please help me, i hate the person im becoming.?
Your mother is truly sick and I am sure your dad is doing his best to support a family of that size. With two 18 year old girls, a 16 year old and all the other kids, you should be able to keep the place clean, the laundry done and the cooking taken care of.



If you fear your mother will harm herself, then call social services, they will get her back on medication or in a hospital.



Last please stop feeling so sorry for yourself, get off your rear and do some work around the place and then your mother may not be quite as depressed.My parents dont understand that their killing me inside. please help me, i hate the person im becoming.?
move out, seek professional mental help
Being depressed if wrong look at it this way you could of been born in a 3rd world country liveing in the jungle begging for food and u would've wished you had your life yiu have right now
Booze isn' helpiing - it's a depressant, which will make you feel worse. Taking more coffee and less booze is better because coffee is a stimulunt and makes you more active.



As for everything else, it sounds like a classic case of dysfunction. I don't know whether you're trying to get away from it or fix it but there's no a lot you can do. I'm surprised the social services aren't involved.



The best hope you have is getting your own head sorted out and not let the worries of your family bring you down. You won't be any good to anyone until you have sorted your own issues. Let their issues be their own in the meantime. Speak to your school counseller or a doctor.